birth….

Relieved after epidural

I am slowly getting used to this whole parenting thing. What a line in the sand. I am exhausted and yet constantly amazed by the little milk monster I gave birth too.

Everyone loves a good birth/labor story right? Here is mine pretty much copy and pasted (with some editing) from my first 24hour-hormone-high email to a couple of best friends.

So labor was intense–this might be too much or too boring but it was crazy!

We induced the night of June 1st. I came in with high blood pressure which had the nurses a little worried and running a bunch of labs (I may have been slightly preclampic–so swollen as well, but I also have never been a patient before so was super nervous).

I thought the cervidil (thin tampon cream medicine for cervical ripening) would just cause light aches but it started contractions all night. AND PREGNANT FRIENDS–if shit hurts try and pee because I couldn’t tell the difference between contractions and having to pee but once I did pee I felt so much better. This was all before official labor too–so in the morning my cervix was soft but not really dilated and a little effaced. She was just too high and facing the wrong way.

Once we got her turned in the morning (due to my awesome nurse and the bed gymnastics she had me do) and was on Pitocin (part of induction after the cervidil) I started dilating and effacing like mad and everyone was surprised. My water broke on its own–It felt like a pop and was like ‘get the nurse something happened!’

Once your water pops/breaks the uterus squeezes down way more and without any cushioning. Contraction pain went from a 5 to a 10+++ in like a second. It hurt so bad, I was crying and writhing and climbing the walls. I got an epidural and it was THE BEST thing ever. I was so happy and I thought the only thing that could make it better was a cheese burger–its too bad they don’t let you eat. Once i had the epidural my body unclenched (as much as epidurals can slow down labor, they can also speed it up by relaxing your body) and I went from 5-9/10 cm in like 2 hours. But then my blood pressure dropped and she didn’t like that so I had to get fluid boluses and extra oxygen and had to lie on my side. SO that part of epidurals sucks. Then I labored and got to push (after trying to let her labor down) but her head was too big and wouldn’t pass my pubic bone–she is on the large side but not huge but her head is HUGE and ROUND. Blaming that on W.

SO we tried and tried and I was a great pusher and I didn’t know this but they bolus the epidurals so by the time you push its wearing off and you can really feel it. I asked to push my pca button but the doctor said no so I could push more and SE wouldn’t be all narced up…until she had another late decel (late decels are bad because it means her placenta or cord is not able to give her enough O2 through the contraction–very very bad) and she didn’t recover right away–my heart rate was higher than hers at 80–her norm (and every fetus/infant norm) is 140. So it was scary. My MD said I could try for awhile longer after she recovered but when 4-5 nurses rush in the room because of your babies monitor and they flip you onto all 4s, head down, maxing the fluids, with the 02 cranked–you know its time for a csection. I didn’t want her to go through that again.

Csection was so fast but the anesthesia made me shake violently and they can give a pain med for that but of course I was watching my BP and it was going low low and it was already scary enough and they were still pounding in the fluids to support it. I was so scared I could feel the csection but I didn’t–just tugging and everyone was happy and smiling (seriously the best team of nurses/doctors/resp therapists I could ask for) and when she came out my doctor was like ‘LOOK at those CHEEKS!” she wailed and had a 9,9 APGAR score (measurement of life taken at 1 and 5 min–that is as close to perfect as you can get). And I heard her and it was nuts–the hormones rushing in and euphoria and I asked Wesley “Is she ours!!!? Is that her!??!?” like it could be anyone else’s baby but it all felt so surreal and like I would jump off the table (insides still on the outside) and beat up anyone who tried to take her away from me–that is some fucking powerful evolutionary shit there. I was also SUPER high because of the drugs.

Then I got to recovery and rested till she joined me and we were so happy. So high off everything. Labor, or how labor happened–didn’t even matter for me. For W however…

W was way more torn up than me because he didn’t get the drugs or the hormones. He really went through the wringer watching us and being pretty helpless. Can you imagine watching people you love go through 1-2 days of hell and not really being able to help?? He was so exhausted while I was totally awake and smiling and laughing after.

Motherhood day 1 is awesome. It is seriously a line and now I can’t imagine what it was like without her–isn’t that nuts!?! I know its the chemicals/hormones but She is magical. I never thought anything could be as cuter than a puppy but I was wrong.

SE is cuter than Hface. Or, as we now call them: Little Chomper is cuter than Big Chomper (names switch as SE grows). But don’t worry Big Chomp–you were first and will get your adventures just have to allow Little Chomp to come too!

THIS WEEKEND!!!!…..

A bunch of amazing people are putting this together with artists, musicians, live performances AND they are generously including a few of my paintings. SO excited AND so nervous because there is going to be some freaking great stuff there and my stuff…well we are our own worst critics! Anyway–if you are in LA please come!

holy crap–one week!….

I had a baby. Today she is one week old. We made it through the first week which, at times for each of us and like all new parents, seemed improbable.

W and I have each had our meltdowns and fears but as far as new parents go I think we are doing an A+ job. Ask me again at week 2

I have lots of stories that hopefully won’t be too boring or TMI. Will share those as soon as I get time to also change my clothes, sleep and shower. Those must come first.

A very orange picture of us.

In the mean time:

Song of the Week….

Kanye West’s Black Skinhead.

This song may not hold up on the album but I think his SNL performance was amazing!

As much as he tries to discredit his genius skills by blundering fashion and capslock addiction (not Kardashian ties because love is private and personal and no one else ever understands why we love who we love), he is still a genius artist musician rapper.

According to the rags he got in a huge fight with Kim K. and her mom backstage so maybe this leads to passion and such a great performance? Dunno, but I am excited for the entire album–I hope it lives up.

how to cool off a chomper….

Chomper (aka Henry, H,  Hface, Chompface, Chomp, Chomperstein, Bearface, Bear, Face, Facetime…no wonder he is neurotic and confused). Photos curtsey of W.

10 months….

Well hmm….I didn’t think I would be writing this post. I thought she would BE HERE!

At least I have had a lot of distractions this last week. My Mom and Brother were here and we had a good time keeping busy and I even got W, my Brother and I into a free/open bar comedy show at Hothouse Productions. Its was hilarious! and featured Dana Gould, Brody Stevens (who recently got picked up for a HBO show) and some others. The open bar was sort of a waste since only W partook–though I did grab a pop tart from $0.05 Diner down the block. Also, we had amazing KBBQ at Mr. Lee‘s prior.

I was hoping the laughing would trigger labor but it didn’t.

It was great to spend time with Mom and Bro–we walked and walked and ate and ate and talked and talked. This was the first week I noticed swelling of ankles and hands–gross–not Kim K. level but definitely cankles.

I feel a little bit bad about the visit. My Mom and Brother visited a 10 month pregnant person (comparable to a recently hibernating bear) and didn’t even get the action of labor or cuteness of a new baby. I believe at one point I said: ‘Why isn’t everyone doing what I want right now! I want everyone to do what I want without me asking!!!’…only slightly joking and not only expecting everyone to do what I want but do it psychically. At least LA was being pretty wonderful and not too hot AND W and Hface were both awesome.

So what else is going on? Well my belly button is ripping in half.

1. I am wearing shorts but you just can’t see them! 2. the dark lower spot is the ever-cracking deepest part of my button with new skin growing in the middle. 3. The dark top spot was the top of my college belly piercing spot. 4. the line in the middle was the top part of my button. Sad Could be worse

Most cutelittlepregnant ladies get cutelittlespregnant outie belly buttons. I used to have a lovely tiny, but deep, belly button. Pregnancy has not led to a cutelittlepregnant outie for me. Nope. My belly button stretched, distorted and ripped. Seriously ripped; as in a cycles of cracking, bleeding, healing then repeat. I have a whole area in the middle of fresh new flesh. It’s as if my belly is the Pacific Ocean and my belly button is a Hawaiian Island always erupting and creating new land. I just wonder that after all this, after my belly deflates/oceans drained, what will happen to it. I am guessing no more wondrous belly button…so sad.

Not really that sad (more just funny)–if this is the worst pregnancy does…I am a very lucky individual!

Song of the week….

I am trying to get the most out of my Spotify subscription so have been perusing the internet [All Songs Considered and Alt Latino] looking for music. I am looking for more sources so let me know you know any amazing music.

I am going to do a SONG OF THE WEEK; my favorite of this weeks music forays. This week is from Alt Latino and by a band called La Yegros titled: Viene de Mi. In the show they talk about how everybody  and their Mom loves Cumbia and its being beaten into the ground. I have been OBSESSED with Cumbia for over 5 years and it may be beaten into the ground but I still cannot get enough! CANNOT! Cannot wait for the full album to come out! I have listened to this song at least 20 times in the last 24 hours.

Hope you like it too! SIDE NOTE: My Spanish is poor (working on it) so even though I sing along I could be singing along to anything. I need W to translate.

39 weeks….

39 Weeks…or dog running from struggling beached whale.

Guys! Wow!

I went to the Dr. yesterday and things are pretty much the same since last time despite stretching and bouncing. Next week we have to measure again and talk about options– that is if she has not made her way out. I have decided to not think about it. She and my body will either cooperate OR not. OR she will be ripped from my abdomen! Either way this thing, child parenthood daughter, is happening sometime soon like a freight train (kidding) and cannot be stopped.

SO what am I thinking about? Guys! What am I doing?!?

H and I went to the beach with W! W got to go cause we went on a Sunday. It was fun!….like in every other post on this blog. I bought a Huntington Dog Beach Hoodie that I have been wearing nonstop even though it’s sort of ugly…BUT I am pretty sure it is the happiest place on earth–its a Disney scene come to life with all the excited animals and people–we should break into song!…um I may have been the crazy lady singing at the beach.

H and W resting….well, H is waiting to run again.

Speaking of H. He went to a full day of doggy daycare at Wagville yesterday since I am not very mobile. He is still sleeping it off…too much partying.

ALSO! My Mom and Bro are visiting. This is very awesome and it would be nice if the kiddo came while they were here but I don’t mind if she doesn’t cause then I get to spend more time with them by myself and not screaming in pain. PLUS we will get to go to KBBQ!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST! Did I mention I am going to be in an ART SHOW! I am a former graphic designer [GD] so lots of that stuff has been seen in newspapers, car wraps, websites, billboards….blahblahbah BUT part of the reason I left GD was because I wanted ART to be for ART and not for $$$. SO here goes. I am doing some paintings. I like them but there are a lot of emotions and passions going around so I am a little afraid they might be TOO much. I love color so they are mainly and exploration in color. COLOR and PASSIONS and HORMONES lead to some grandiose paintings. Also–I have learned that I can draw a human body but painting one–nope. Not to the level I would show people. I don’t have control of the brush the way I do with charcoal or pencil. Not in the way I want it which is messy but discernible and mature. I LOVE MESSY! I will let you know the deets of the ART SHOW soon.

I am considering photography as well but what do you think? Should I pull some photos–I have gleaned 20 I think may be good enough and could narrow it down to 5-10.

Art? How do I narrow down? Art, too artsy, people, not people?? What do you like in photography? I want some criticism!

the reason I got pregnant….

Well since she was a little bit of a surprise its more the first reason I was EXCITED I got pregnant. I waited 9.5 months for this!

Henry as a mountain goat!

I really wanted him to stand with all his 4 little legs together but I think this is as close as I can get. Also–I may not have showered in 2 days when this pic was taken so I am a little bit of a disaster. BUT in the end who cares!!!—MY DOG CAN FIT ON MY BELLY!

A Review: How to Be a Woman….

If you read my Day in the Life of Maternity Leave post there was a picture of a stack of books that I am reading during this time. I am on my last 2–of course leaving the great leviathan Moby Dick for last. That book is intimidating. So now I am going to start telling you all (ignore if you would like) how I FEEL about them. With birth hormones ramping up…I FEEL a lot.

How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran.

In short: read it, it is awesome.

In length:
I am not a non fiction reader. It is so hard for me. I get soooo bored. I need strange plots and great writing and lots of poignant drama. I need Tom Robbins, Toni Morrison, Jane Austen, and Jeffrey Eugenides.

However, three of the maternity books I’ve read are NOT fiction. They are nonfiction and this was THE BEST of them. She writes pop culture feminism. She says anyone who has a vagina and wants control over it is a feminist. LOVE IT!

She begins each chapter with a personal story and weaves in her thoughts on whatever subject relates to the story (porn, waxing, plastic surgery, abortion). She has experienced quite a life too–so her stories are fabulous and only beat by her philosophy. She is a writer by profession–since the age of 15 (and probably earlier) and it shows. It is good, smart, poignant, painful, and funny. I agree with most of what she says and even though I agree I still think about it. A lot. It gets me all hot and bothered and is incredibly motivating. I want to DO something and be a WOMAN, a HUMAN in way I haven’t felt since sophomore year of high school.