wrong and sick….

Saturday night, 32 years old, endorphins high from kicking-ass at boxing class, bouncing around and headbanging to a Nirvana concert on VH1. Sick and slightly wrong because I just ate a honeyed chevre salad with pecans–are you allowed to do that while watching Nirvana??? One thing–you shouldn’t head bang after combining chevre and balsamic. Puketastic.

Nirvana. Such a great time–I was just on the young edge so I never witnessed a concert but I did comeofage to a background of grunge.

We lived in a couple different houses on Orcas Island. One was around the corner from Doe Bay, close to where the road ends (at the time, not sure now, you couldn’t actually circumvent the island). We were the first bus stop on the bus route. This meant, after a long walk to the meet the bus, we would have about an hour bus ride to school. On lucky days our stepmom or dad would drive us and we got to wait in a warm truck. Most of the time, though, we walked and it was almost always dark.

I loved, LOVED, those bus rides. It was the fun part before school. We could sleep but most of the time we would goof off at the back of the bus. Back of the bus–a perk of being the first stop; choice seats.

One of the other early stops–two more after us– was in front of a lone trailer on the side of the road. This is where a classmate lived. She was kindof our friend–she was poor and not cool. I wasn’t cool either and I think we got ready for a couple dances together but I was so far behind–I didn’t have her edge. She also had an older brother who I thought was the coolest person I had ever seen.

He was much older. We were 6th grade, he was in highschool. We wore pastels childish styles–we had yet to break into our Rave (remember that store??) phase. He wore black with a black trench coat. He would saunter on the bus, hair gelled, ghetto blaster resting on his shoulder. Oh man he was so cool.

He would join us on the back of the bus and play Nirvana or Metallica all the way to school. Slouched back against the seat, he was quiet, not saying a word except a brief joke to his friend and occasionally taping his foot–almost an accident it was so nonchalant. If I was super lucky he would sit near me but we never shared a seat because we all had the whole bus to choose from. Still, it was 50 mins of humming along and peeking out at him. So cool. I loved Nirvana; I loved those bus rides.

more friends….

W is gone this weekend and I decided not to go to the gym after two days of boxing because my arms don’t really work. I hurt but its more the lack of function that indicates a need to rest them…also I need to lighter on the bags–my wrist that I broke a couple years ago is hurting–not muscle but inside–like bone. I sprained my thumb later and the doctor said it was fine but I had more arthritis than normal for my age in my wrist and hand probably caused my the previous injury. Its important to be enthusiastic during exercise but also protective.

What big things did I accomplish today while W is away???

I drank massive amounts of coffee and limited water–just asking for a migraine.

So far I have watched 13+ hours of tv. Only 2 hours being quality: Rick Steve’s hidden Europe and an Episode of The Princess’s Man (TPM). TPM is my first historical kdrama and so far (ep 4/24) its pretty darn good. It was well reviewed by Dramabeans which is why I made a leap into historicals.

I made brownies–2 kinds. The microwave cup kind but the texture was rubbery so I DO NOT RECOMMEND microwave brownies. I also freestyled some baked brownies but I halved the flour and doubled the egg which DID NOT turn out well. I am a texture fiend and neither of these were ideal.

I also looked at places to live and cars to buy. These changes aren’t happening till the end of June but I like to do my research. Recommendations for cars? I had a Toyota Yaris that I loved and got 38-40mpg. I want something different but similar gas mileage without being hybrid. I am looking into used Mini Coopers (prob not), more likely the new Fiats, and curious about the Hyundai Velostar (looks like a shark and has 3 doors–pretty much right up my alley). Any recs are appreciated–oh I don’t do Fords. I am coming around to American cars but they were so craptastic for so long that I am still having a hard time. Fiat is owned by Chrysler (I think) now so thats pretty American. Go ECONOMY!

Tomorrow, as much as I love lazy days, I cannot be soooo lazy. I have too much to do. AND I am determined to make some friends here. Otherwise, ALL of my days will look like the above.

stewing….

There are a lot of things stewing right now so I thought I would talk about making soup. I am seriously dysfunctional when it comes to cooking. I learned a lot about baking growing up from my Mom but other then that–I am a kitchen loooh—ser. loser. My Mom would make all these amazing soups and stews and I would not understand how it went from separate meats and veggies into this amazing tasting amazingness.

That was until moving to Philly last year when I bought a smoked Turkey wing because it was a SMOKED TURKEY WING–rare to come by in the NW. Anyhoo–I didn’t know what to do with it so I combined it with some chicken and it, by accident and no skill, turned into amazingness just like my Mom’s.

Since then I have learn a lot about soups and stews. The main lesson is that they are incredibly forgiving. Also, buying chicken or beef stock is completely unnecessary (though I do have powdered chicken stock on had in case I royally fuck something up.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was from Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations. This show is on Netflix watch instant and if you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. He goes through 10 skills every cook [person] should know such as how to cook a steak or how to cut an onion. He also teaches how to make Beef Bourguignon. Stupid easy and is the basis for how I approach beef cooking–well all as all soup cooking now.Here is my take on stews and soups:

1. Brown meat in soup pot (unless its chicken then you can skip this step). Dump the shittiest cut of beef you can find in a pot with a bit of oil (since it will most likely be very lean). You dont even have to cut it up. Brown it so that it gets all scuzzy on the bottom of the pot. This is good and adds flavor. Add a roughly cut onion and some smashed garlic cloves until these are carmelized too. Also add other herbs if you feel like it but you don’t have to and you have about 4 hours to add those later as desired. Aalso if you have beef bones those would be super good for the broth–if not no worries. Whatever.

2. Add water and alcohol. I add some water and alcohol to my soups from here. With chicken I start here (but carmelize onion first). I have literally taken a raw whole chicken from the package and dumped it in a pot of water and its turned out amazing–you can also use cooked chicken or turkey carcass. For alcohol I add red wine for beef bourguignon, beer for beef stew, white wine for chicken soup.

3. Cook for a fucking long time. Seriously with beef–like 4-5 hours at a low simmer. Chicken is more flexible and can get a wee mushy but I kindof like that in a soup. Yesterday, I cooked my beef stew for 3.5 hours then turned it off while I was at the gym and assembled the final stew when I got back–this is a good weekend dish or make night before thing but its so simple that you can make it for a late dinner too.

4. When you feel its cooked enough finish the soup. I am lazy so I get those tinsy potatoes and throw them in. Carrots–don’t peel, the skin is where the flavor is and I get small ones. For green, I love kale in soup because it holds up. I put the potatoes in as the soup is warming up so they get a while to cook–up to an hour (I like them falling apart), carrots next–I like them just slightly soft, kale is last cause I don’t want it wilted much–just boil for a second.

5. FLAVOR. Most flavor, honestly, comes from salt. If it tastes bland it usually just means it needs salt. BUT before you add salt I would suggest adding the juice from a lemon or a lime. It will often brighten a soup and lessen the need for salt. It won’t be enough to make the soup taste citrusy–just brighter. I worked at a cafe that had AWESOME vegan black bean soup–the secret was juice from an orange. Seriously made the difference. Still bland? Add salt. I also may add a touch of oyster sauce (mainly for chicken soup) because it has a ton of salt but also that umami flavor. When do you add salt? I add a citrus and salt as the broth begins to cook–it helps break down the meat but I would WAY UNDERSALT at this point because the flavors haven’t come together yet.

6. Don’t freak out–the soup/bourg/etc. will taste like shit until the last second. Its weird–you taste and taste and at first its separate flavors and gross and watery but then heat breaks everything down, then they come together and its awesome. Give it time, leave it alone, breathe, don’t freak out. Trust me.

attention….

We started watching the Oscars last night but it was pretty blah and the dresses were blah-hasbeendoneoverandover-mermaid. So we stopped paying attention and I watched an old episode of Bones–LOVE THAT SHOW!

Sometimes, unlike the self-congratulatory Oscars, I fail to recognized I need attention. Even if I know I need attention, I am not good at being direct and have a hard time asking for attention. This is not cool.

Instead of saying ‘I need attention’ I let things fester. My crazyass-ex-stepmom was right with one thing: I bottle things up until I am a huge explosive volcano. My eruption (hee hee–that word is super funny) usually involves a lot of stomping and crying and shaking and shrills.

This happened yesterday. Instead of saying ‘W, I need some attention.’ I cried and stomped and had to put myself in a corner and read my book for a couple hours. It is not okay–there are bunch of endless things I am trying to work on and being direct is one of them.

Tears are pretty amazing things though–they rid your body of built up of hormones. That’s why its feels good to cry and its also pretty exhausting. Yep, I am pretty exhausted and calm now.

I cannot wait until I start working again. Can you tell I do not function well with unemployment?

obsession….

Before I begin I feel I should mention I just sucked mango margarita off my keyboard.

I feel with (uncounted) unemployment comes a lot of obsessions that otherwise may be put to the back burner. I am documenting them here.

1. Grocery Shopping I love it. There are three farmers markets (wed, thur, friday) all within 5 blocks of my house and Grand Central Market which is AH-MA-ZING (see Happy Endings). I love buying veggies and more veggies. I feel our loft is empty if we do not have a continuous supply of limes and lemons and.

2. Grapefruit I love it. I eat one a day–I don’t care if I get grapefruit sweats or whatever it is when you eat to much.

3. Avocado I love it. Fucking 47 cents each. INSANE!

4. The Los Angeles Flower Market I love it. I have banned myself from it otherwise I would go every day and though cheap I am (uncounted) unemployed. You know me but do you know that if I were rich and could just flush money like toilet paper I would open a flower shop? I love flowers. I love cut flowers because they exist only to be frivolously beautiful.

5. Gymbox LA I love it. Okay so I only joined last week so we have to see if this affair will last but I love how the owner and employees are SO BOXERS. This isn’t any aerobic kick boxing–which kicks my ass by itself–but REAL boxing with 150lb bags. They wrap your hands and then you put on gloves. Despite the gloves and wraps I still busted my knuckles open the first night. I also couldn’t walk for 4 days but that is besides the point. I hate working out unless it means  feeling like I am going to die and this gym follows that line. Plus a dude named BULLDOG wrapped my hands! A fighter named BULLDOG!!!!!

6. The Above Bowl I love it. It was my Great Aunt Mary’s. Its china but I looked up the brand and couldn’t find anything similar. At first I brought it home with me just because it seemed so much like her but now I am obsessed with it apart from her. I think it is the best thing I have ever seen. I constantly rearrange fruit in it or my orchid that I purchased at the flower market. I fucking love it.

7. DTLA I love it. W’s cowoker is a downtown LA (DTLA) expert. Like Phd expert, and he gave us an amazing tour full of hidden highlights. I love it. DTLA, both old and new, is so unique and holds so much to be seen. Do you realize that I live next to Skid Row–THE Skid Row. Its not like that but I am doing volunteer training at a women’s center on Skid Row about 10 blocks from my house and it runs essentially between there and where I live. It’s sad. Hard. But there are so many amazing individual things about LA that I did not know before–especially DTLA. I love it. If you visit I will take you on this (its a couple blocks from our house).

8. Cutting For Stone I love it. I am reading it. It is good and highly recommended. I want to start a book club–want to join?

9. My Lovely San Soon I love it. Upon the recommendation of Thu, who started my love for Kdramas, I started watching this show. It is awesome. Any show that starts with the main character getting drunk and being carried by the main dude then drunk peeing on the main dude is awesome. I highly recommend it. Also–as Reading Rainbow said–don’t take my word for it; HALF of Korea watched the final episode. HALF. That is a pipe dream for all other shows!!

10. Street food I love it. Growing up in the NW is pretty fucking idyllic but it offers innocence when it comes to street food. Wait, what about bougie PDX carts? No–those are essentially restaurants operating as carts for tax evasion purposes. I mean REAL street food. I mean CHEAP get-to-the-point-of-amazing street food. I mean Anthony Bourdain street food.  I mean the shack in the parking lot behind my building that sells CAFEconPAN for $1. Tacos are $1.50 and Tamles $1 each. I mean Philly cheesesteak delis where the owner knows your name, your dog, ALL you business and sandwiches are $5. I mean corn roasting on the sidewalk served with mayo and spices. I mean all the food we ate in Nicaragua, Mexico, and even Iceland. Next on the list (street-food wise) is Seoul. Man, the street food on kdramas looks AH-MA-ZING: chicken feet and pork skin–I have had both and freshly cooked on the sidewalk sounds fucking good.

good paleo….

Everybody’s facebook is different. W complains that his is full of babies. I get annoyed cause mine is full of Paleo.

Before people get mad, I don’t care one way or the other but I hate it filling up my facebook page–I would rather see photos of friends being awesome and even more baby pictures.

I found this on Good and I think it sums up exactly how I feel about it. It has no basis in evolutionary history but if it helps someone be healthy why not? Much like weightwatchers, gyms, swimming, vegetarianism (vegans are weird), ellipticals, running, etc. helps others.

I do want to say one thing I like about Paleo. It helps people gain control of their health and emphasizes preventative care. Though I have no plans on giving up bread and beans and MILK IN MY COFFEE (the thought horrifies me), I love anything that helps people understand they own their health. I think that is a huge, major, almost unsurmountable problem with our healthcare system and anything that reverses it is a good thing.

too attached….

I have been trying to sell my bike. Its really hard. I am too attached. The places I have gone on it since getting it for high school graduation in 1997 (OLD!). I have ridden the streets of Seattle, Portland, The Dalles, Philadelphia, and briefly LA. And the good times…

The summer after high school biking home in the warm night, social cigarette hanging off my fingertips. The tape box made for its tire when my dormmate put tape downt the middle of our room during Freshman year in college (bitch, conscientious bitch but still a bitch). Riding the hot dry streets of The Dalles.  Biking to work almost everyday as a graphic designer in the rain and sun. Going flying into pavement after tempting the trolly tracks one to many times and the bikers behind me helping until my cousin could pick me up and take me to the ER. Drunkingly running into the side of the esplanade while biking home late after my work goodbye party. Riding to nursing school on the streets of Philadelphia while happily screaming and flipping off other drivers and bikers alike (both are assholes). Biking home during an amazing Eastcoast thunder/lightning storm and drenching rain. And finally placing my bike in the Pod to travel across the country yet again.

I have gone many places on my bike and I would not say goodbye except, I realize, it is time. Its not just how small our loft is or how unbikeable the streets are here–its time. Its time that when I do start biking in LA (if I do) I need a nicer bike. My bike needs a younger person determined to commute through LA traffic and smoke and drink and crash and have fun on it. For us, those are over.e

Goodbye Bike.

 

something i cannot make anymore….

….because I LOVE it sooooooo much. Lemon tarts, I love them and will eat them endlessly. I ate all of it! I am BANNED BANNEd bANNEd from making them again until we have guests! BUT it’s so good.

This was much more than a tart though. This was family history. You see, last weekend I drove up to my Great Aunt Mary’s house. It is a beautiful place overlooking the beach and ocean. My Aunt Mary passed away last year but my Aunt J and Uncle S are were up there and wanted to share some family history with me so I got the pleasure of visiting. I have always been close with my Mom’s family but it was cool to learn that I really do come from my Father too. I do have 2 very amazing families; I have roots.

It was very nice. I only met Great Aunt Mary once but she was so cool. She was an artist and lively and I was so impressed with her as a child and am still as an adult. I am lucky to be related to such a lady.

I got to take home some memorabilia of her but also some lemons from her Meyer Lemon tree. Meyer lemons are sweeter smelling and more floral than normal lemons.

I brought them home and enjoyed them all week but then decided it was time to make a lemon tart. The thing about me that you HAVE to understand is that lemon tarts are my favorite thing EVER. I love love love them.

So I researched and looked around and such until I decided to start.

This is halfway through:

Ice water and sprinkled flower from pie crust, lemon juicer, lemon zest, lemon curd start, butter for everything.

And eventually it turns into this (specific recipe below):

Crust
(I used classic pie crust with a sweet twist as opposed to more involved tart crust recipes)

2 cups all purpose flour

pinch- 1/4 teaspoon salt–I literally just use our salt grinder over the flour until I feel I have enough.

2/3 cups cold unsalted butter

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

6-8 tablespoons water

I have made pie crusts since I was a tinsy version of myself. They are easy as long as you remember (as Mom says) to breathe. In out, in out–relax. I remember the first one I made I kneeded for an hour. You couldn’t cut it with a knife it was so tough. Awesome. The trick to pie crust is that you try to touch it as little as possible. So mix flour salt. Get out your COLD butter (some people even freeze it–I don’t) and cut small pieces on your flour/salt. Take 2 forks and cut the flour until butter is mixed in (this is a workout–no arm weights at the gym later!). Some people use a food processor for this but there is much controversy over that and so many parts to wash so I still use 2 forks.  I usually have a movie on when I make pies so I sit on the couch with the bowl in my lap and go at it. You can stop cutting in the butter when  it looks sandy–I like to leave it a little before sandy so you get those extra big flakes.

Next add your ICE COLD water. Something to do with chemistry that you need it to be as cold as possible. I always add at least 6 tbsps. I sprinkle then toss dough like a salad with my forks then sprinkle a little more water and toss, etc. The mixture will still be pebbley but trust your instincts when there is enough water–I dump the pebbles on a floured countertop or board and then try not to freak out. How does this loose mixture become awesome crust?!?!?! Breath.

Here, I cheat and pat it flat a little. If you are cool you just start rolling the pebbly loose dough. I pat and flour it, then roll. Remember that it may seem like it will fail but it won’t; it will be awesome. So roll out your dough–if it sucks you can always reroll it.

Put dough in pie plate (this is a double crust recipe–i leave it a little thick for the tart and just eat the extra). Bake at 400 for 10 mins with pie stones (I don’t have these so I just used leftover lemon rinds–I guess you can use beans too).

While crust is baking make your filling.

Filling

1/3 cup lemon juice

3 eggs

3/4 cup sugar

4 tbsp butter

1 tablespoon lemon zest

The one thing I like about this curd recipe is that its easy peasy. No separating the yolks–I am horribly bad a that. It won’t be crystal clear but thats cool–it tastes amazing. So in a simmering double boiler (or metal bowl in a simmering pot) dissolve sugar in lemon juice. Add eggs and whisk whisk whisk until thick–about 10mins. Remove from heat and add butter (sieve if there are chunks before adding butter) stirring until melted. Add zest.

Pour curd into crust and bake for 10 mins at 350–or whenever it seems done and before it browns.

Let cool and EAT. EAT IT ALL! Adding fresh whip cream (meringue is blah!) may make it more awesome–I didn’t have any

This recipe is incredibly forgiving so next time I may throw in some kiwi or whatever soft fruit I have around and see what happens.

 

nonentity….

Do you know that since I quit my job to go to school but am now unemployed that I don’t count in unemployment statistics? I think thats right but correct me if I am wrong. I think some experts (not sure where I heard this) say that unemployment is 9% its really around 15%. That seems pretty bad.

So I am unemployed. No health insurance. I hope that changes soon. It reminds me of when I was in college to age 26ish when I also had no insurance and when I used Planned Parenthood as my healthcare. I know I know–I am trying to stay nonpolitical on the internet but there are some things I can’t shut up about: human rights (whether race, gender, or sexual orientation–we are all the same and should be equally allowed to do whatever consenting humans can do), healthcare, and the environment. This is healthcare.

Sure–I gave them $$ when I went but nowhere near actual costs of prescriptions, labs, exams. I have to say, from my experience, they were the best lady-part/std screening care I have ever had. They would be very blunt with me–like statistically I didn’t need to get tested for HIV but I did anyway and they liked that. They knew that maigraines and estrogen based birth control are a no-no (some docs don’t). The gave me condoms and Plan B. They took care of me.

So Susan G. Komen is going to be Qwikster if they don’t watch out. Planned Parenthood stepped in for me and many others who have struggled through these depressed economic times–we don’t like it when you fuck with our support! We may ignore your tea parties and your crazy nominees but when you start touching my home, my organization. I get pissed.

There are a lot of us too. Have you used Planned Parenthood?

In the waiting rooms of Planned Parenthood there is usually a journal. It is so people waiting can anonymously write whatever they want. I have written in and read those journals. The stories in them can break your heart. The patients at Planned Parenthood are facing tough times combined with hard experiences and Planned Parenthood is one of a few organizations that stand up and take care of them no matter what it is, no judgement passed. That is how healthcare should be.

I just needed to say that. And as I said on FB–Planned Parenthood taught me how to feel up my boobs the right way and that is how most breast cancer is caught. So Susan G. Komen foundation–please rethink your decision.

 

words with friends….

I am playing it. You can easily guess my user name if you want to play me.

I have questions but not about that.

How do you feel about Nepotism? Is that too strong a word. Let me explain.

The job hunt sucks in LA–I love it here but that end sucks. Pretty much the only way to get into a new nursing position is by knowing someone. Maybe if you ware super awesome as well (I am working on that end since I know only a few people).

How do you feel about this? I think part of it is fair–since someone can vouch for you have something extra that says this new hire is not a douche. Honestly, I have gotten most of my graphic design positions this way. But on the other hand what if you are skipping some great hires [ME] for someone who is not so ho-hum .

Anyway–these are my thoughts. LA is a great place to be. I will share that maybe when things are not so stressful and when I have my camera out with me.