carrying….

4 months

4 months

I am 4 months, or 16 weeks, pregnant today. This is weird.

My brother has kids; he just had a baby. Only one of my close friends from my growing years [highschool-20s] has kids so I don’t feel like I am grown up enough. The friend who just had a kiddo had planned for it and tired for it for awhile. This…this was a bit of a surprise. A happy surprise but a surprise.

So how is it?

The first month I didn’t know except I kept have dreams where I would drink, no chug, milk. I was obsessed. By the end of week 4 I knew something was off.

The second month I knew. I knew early by taking 20 pregnancy tests after I had that inkling I mentioned previously. They were barely barely positive. I told the friend I was with in Seattle I wasn’t totally sure.  It was a little bit of denial and a little bit of how was it after years of sex it was happening now?? But I knew.

The third month it hit me. The nausea. OHMIGOD. That was the worst. Everything made me feel like barfing and sometimes I did barf. EVERYTHING SMELLED.  Henry smelled, W smelled. I also got super tired and occasionally super grouchy. For one full week (while my Mom was here to buffer luckily) I literally slept 15 hours a day and only lifted my head to say something rude to W. I also got my first ultrasound during this time too. It was exciting because I didn’t really believe it before. Seeing the thing wiggling around and jumping off the side of my uterus made it REAL.

I am lucky. My nausea stopped into the 4th month–some people suffer the whole pregnancy. My exhaustion is waning and I enjoy life and exercising again. I am even nice to W most of the time. Henry and I walk 3-4 miles on my days off and I made a promise to myself to start yoga in January. Work is good and I like people. I am also SUPER HUNGRY ALL THE TIME–before I could barely eat and lost weight so this is good–just need to remind myself to not eat crap. I have a belly too. It started out like a cheese belly–bloated. Its getting firmer, tighter and sleeping on my back is not as comfortable and stuffing my face sucks cause I get too full.

BEFORE and AFTER. There are definitely changes with pregnancy. I am SUPER into all things pregnancy related and babies–and not into anything else except maybe my dog. It sucks. Before, I hated it when pregnant people were only into pregnant things; I thought they considered themselves so special and unique and not realizing that half the world can get pregnant. NOW I am one of those. I am sorry for this. Tell me to shut up when all I want to talk about is strollers or babies or labor. It’s so annoying.

I also have a different take on abortion. Don’t get me wrong I am, and always will be, firmly pro-choice.  I am probably the most pro-choice person you will meet. When W and I first started dating I had an open drawer full of Plan B and he kind of thought I was dirty and a wee slutty—I wasn’t (planned parenthood just handed me a stack–I dunno maybe they looked at me and thought this girl NEEDS 20). However, I feel like I know a little bit more about that choice and how heavy it can be. The same with miscarriage–I feel like I understand a bit more how horrible it is no matter when it happens.

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