Predators….

My first movie review and I have not even seen the movie. It’s more of an editorial diatribe/philosophical discussion over the Predator and Alien movies. First, I should say I think I saw Predator II before Predator I. This might be the cause of some of my bias.

I love Monster movies. Clarify: I love monster movies that are creative and bring something new to the table. I believe Aliens is not only one of the best monster movies ever created, but one of the best movies ever created. I feel this way about Alien as well- you barely ever see the Alien- the suspense is amazing, but I like Aliens better because…there are more Aliens.

Why do I like Monster movies? I like them because they take you out of your stressful daily life and freak you out with the relaxing feeling that it can never actually happen. Following, I don’t just like scary movies because the ones about serial killers (Saw series) could, at some point, be possible. Predators will never come and hunt me …and even if they did I would get pregnant and they would sense that and not kill me. Predators have feelings.

I HATE it when people complain that monster movies are not realistic enough. Seriously?!?! It’s a MONSTER movie. Ebert just gave his review of the new Predator movie and wrote mostly how a beast with horns and fangs couldn’t eat, but I imagine it wasn’t much of a concern of the creators since it’s impossible to eat with a vajaja mouth, even a fanged vajaja mouth (see Predator image below).

Also, people complained that Aliens vs. Predators wasn’t realistic enough with all the pyramids and moving parts and such. But hell, Predators going invisible or Aliens bleeding acid is believable?!?!  The failing of Predators vs. Aliens is that it gave back story to the human characters and then killed them all. That and the crappy writing. What was the point? Part of what made Aliens and Predator (the originals) so amazing is that there was no human backstory.  It’s not important for a monster movie; use that time to build suspense. I will say that I give Aliens vs. Predators a positive review for three reasons: 1. Using the Alien’s tail as a weapon against itself is AWESOME,  2. Predators forced to work with humans is AWESOME, 3. The Alien/Predator in the Predator at the end.

The second Aliens vs. Predator movie is not worth mentioning-I am sorry I even wrote this sentence. It’s worse than the monster movie where the rose bush kills everyone- that is bad.

So I loved the Predator movies too- I and II. In fact I loved II more because for various reasons including: Danny Glover, it being set in a City (urban jungle), strong woman character as well and it went into the predator thought process a little and I didn’t feel that was bad. I know many disagree with this, but it wasn’t just a jungle where two (essentially) men battle it out. It was sneaky like a crime dectetive/monster moive, it seemed to combine a Die Hard movie with a monster. I like that. I still like the first one- I just like the second one better which I know will have people pissed. I thought it was more entertaining and that is the MOST IMORTANT thing a movie should be- entertaining.

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