deep angst….

So most of you know that I am moving to Philly. The date is official now–August 15th we head out. Or maybe the 14th- don’t remember; W keeps track of these things and patiently reminds me–or I gsearch my email. BUT it is official!

This is fun and exciting but scary. I am signing away my future earnings for self-improvement (ie nursing school). ALOT of my future earnings. When I got the letter that said $68,000 it was scary. I knew it beforehand because I have been thinking of nursing for the past 3 years but seeing it written in one sum is shocking.

You know what else is scary- trying to find someone to give you it. I know the school helps with this but I have to convince a lender that I will make it through a very short, intense school and then pay back this crazy amount of money with my skillz. They have to invest in me! I have  to invest in me! That is scary; very doable and I am confident but I have never had this responsibility before. When you buy a house there is something physical to show for it. Here it is only me- a very cool and hopefully new-improved-me, but still just me…me with access to needles hahahaha…Wait! Seriously though…scary.

Another thing that is scary- I am moving across the country…with W! W and me alone in a car and then new city. I heart W, and W hearts me but I have not done this with someone before- not even the driving portion. But I think W and I are pretty good together- we fight about stupid things but all-in-all we believe in the same things: tv, politics, food, exercise, and having fun.

The last thing that is scary for me is leaving my beloved PDX. I heart PDX and not because it has cupcakes, bike lanes, and trendy coffee but because it has been a place of solace and support through some hard times. I am not just talking about family- my family is awesome but the actual city. I don’t think I could have survived without roaming around downtown in highschool thinking I was a badass. I was a badass with my sagging pants and satin gold boxers and red patent vans and bleached and/or colored hair. It was even better when I came home during summers of college- sleeping for days. It was best when I came back the last time and made it my home independent of my family. I love biking through neighborhoods and walking across the Broadway bridge in the evening (I text pictures to W of the sunset almost every Wednesday when I walk home- he likes them). I will probably be back but even so- I will miss you PDX.

So on to Philly…The countdown begins (2.5 months give or take). I think Philly will be a favorite city too…just slightly behind PDX.


3 thoughts on “deep angst….

  1. Thuha says:

    Ah, I cry. We may not live in the same city, but it is always nicer that you are close by rather than across the country. Nonetheless, our friendship has always survived long distances so I have faith in you and am ever so proud of you!

  2. lmsanderswilcox says:

    Awww… Thu! Now I cry! We have survived long distances- but we may even see eachother more because you visit the East often! Its only for a short while- maybe but after school I will have tons of time to come out and visit or live- who knows!?!?

  3. lmsanderswilcox says:

    hmmm…I was just thinking- when I am done with school we should jaunt over to Europe or Paris or something. It really is just a ‘jaunt’ from the eastside.

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